These Violent Delights (2024)

this is a story of: obsession, violence, intellect, passion, and cruelty.

and it consumed me entirely.

Well, this book absolutely gutted me. I think I'll be having a book hangover for awhile after reading Micah Nemerever's epic These Violent Delights. There's absolutely no way that I believe that this is Micah's debut novel, because the prose is so wickedly beautiful. It's being compared as The Secret History meets Call Me By Your Name, and I can definitely see that, but honestly, this book is better than both of them.

These Violent Delights takes place in 1970s Pittsburgh and centers around two main characters, Paul Fleischer and Julian Fromme. Paul and Julian are two freshman students joining college and connect instantaneously during their first interaction in class. They are immediately drawn together, but they couldn't be more different. Paul is a shy, artistic, loner; while Julian is wealthy, charismatic, and cunning. The two immediately form a fast friendship, but little did they know that this friendship would grow more intense each day.

As Paul and Julian's friendship grows, the bond quickly turns to love. Their love is so powerful, so beautiful (and steamy!), but also so dark. Their love grows eventually forms into obsession and violence. The two form an unhealthy, yet captivating romantic bond, that allows the two of them to become stronger in their own way. This bond cannot be broken and anyone who steps in their way will have to suffer the consequences.

Whew, this book is heavy on my heart. Never has a book triggered me with so many emotions. At first, the writing seemed a bit dense and difficult to get through, but then I realized, oh wait Dennis, you're just not as smart as Micah Nemerever so PUSH THROUGH. I eventually got the hang of the intellectual conversations had between the characters and fell right into the trap of this book's atmospheric content. These Violent Delights has the perfect slow building suspense that you just get immersed into the story. I could not put this book down if you tried to pry it from my hands. I just couldn't.

I loved My Violent Delights so much for many reasons, but I think the main reason was that this story is so different than other novels in that it felt like it had its own universe of content. It's hard to describe, but I just feel like a lot of literary fiction works lately have just a straightforward plot, from beginning to end. With My Violent Delights, there's just so many details that encompass everything that you just can't help but take notice. For example, I double checked and reread the ending twice, and I never do that. I read some chapters over and took pictures of quotes (so I can share on publication day) as well. I can picture myself actually rereading this book again, without any doubt. I also loved the romance between Paul and Julian and how it teetered on the balance of pain and pleasure, and of security and controversy. I can probably go on and on about why I loved this book so much, but I think you get the hint. It may be a bit early to state this, but My Violent Delights may very well be my favorite book of 2020.

All right. I've procrastinated all I can.

The time is come.

I have to do the most dreaded thing I ever do...figure out how I "feel" about something.

Even though I am someone who reviews every book she reads, and even though I read hundreds of books a year, I try to think about feelings as infrequently as possible. I go with a gut rating, I often change it when I actually write the review, and that's it.

But then...once in a while...Nightmare. Chaos. Destruction. A book like this comes along, with an intense and confusing reading experience, and I am unable to rate it.

And then I wait days and weeks and a month if I can swing it so I do not have to do any sort of emotional reflection of any kind. But I've put this off all I can.

This book is weird.

It has some of the dark-academia vibes of books I love, but way more violent and twisty and confusing. The writing is pretty, if sometimes a bit purple for my taste (okay fine you got me I just like using the word "purple" to describe prose too much).

I just kind of like...don't know how I feel about it? But it's a vaguely positive kind of not knowing. So I think...3.5.

The rating of indecisive nice people everywhere. (I'm rebranding to nice.)

These characters are unlikable, but that's the point. The plot, if it exists, winds in fits and starts, but that's the point. It kind of walks the line between literary fiction and thriller, but that's the point. Everything that could take away from it feels intentional, which makes deducting anything seem willfully basic.

What else to say? I'll add this: When I'm reading physical books, I never eat, because I only have two hands and I don't understand the energy distribution that would take. Am I turning pages with one hand and holding my ice cream sandwich in the other? Am I taking bites of salad without turning my eyes to it for optimal forkfuls? How does this work? But on the other hand (buh dum ch), all I do while eating (because I can't be alone with my thoughts) is read on my laptop. And I had a library ebook copy of this book, so boom. Laptop.

But it's such an oddly consuming story, such a disruptively disturbing and gripping and occasionally shockingly violent narrative, that I was often unable to eat. And I lost my appetite if I tried.

Do with that what you will.

Bottom line: Weird! But good? But mostly weird.

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pre-review

what the hell?

review and rating to come

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tbr review

put the word "dark" next to the word "academia" and i am IN

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Heavenly Creatures by way of Patricia Highsmith, plus a sprinkle of Like Minds, and with the kind of teenage morbidity one could find in Hangsaman or Stoker.

Adroit and gripping, These Violent Delights is a superlative debut novel. Being the self-proclaimed connoisseur of academia fiction that I am, I was drawn by the comparisons to The Secret History and I was amazed to discover that unlike other releases (not naming any names) These Violent Delights definitely had some TSH vibes. But whereas most academia books focus on a ‘clique’, Micah Nemerever’s novel is very much centred on the obsessive relationship between two seventeen-year-olds.
If you’ve read or watched anything that revolves around a toxic relationship, you know what to expect from These Violent Delights. The prologue itself reveals to us that all will not be well for these two boys and that at some point will embark on a path of no return.

“He couldn’t remember ever being the person he’d decided to become.”

The narrative takes us back to their first meeting. Paul, our protagonist, is a university freshman in Pittsburgh during the early 1970s. His father has recently committed suicide and his mother has yet to recover. Paul suffers from an almost debilitating insecurity and shows a propensity for virulent self-recriminations. His inward-looking nature brings him no joy, as his mind is often consumed by his many ‘shortcomings’, and those of others. He feels misunderstood by his working-class family, and without his father, his grandfather, a man whose good-natured attempts to connect with Paul inevitably miss the mark, has become his closest male figure. His family fails to accept that Paul isn’t the type to ‘loosen’ up with his peers or have ‘fun’ with some girl.
When a discussion on experimental ethics in class gets Paul hot under the collar, Julian Fromme comes to his defence. On the surface Julian is the antithesis of Paul: he comes from wealth, he’s self-assured, easy-going, and charismatic. Yet, Paul is enthralled by him, especially when he realises that Julian carries within him a darkness not unlike his own. Their mutual understanding and their interest in one another result in an instantaneous connection. They can have erudite talks, challenging each other's stance on subjects related to ethics and morals, and revel in the superiority they feel towards their classmates. Within hours of their meeting, their bond has solidified, becoming something impenetrable to outsiders. It soon becomes apparent that neither of them is in control in their relationship, and things are further complicated when their platonic friendship gives way to a more sexual one.
Their symbiotic bond is of concern to others (to be queer—in both senses—is no walk in the park, especially in the 70s), and attempts are made to separate the two. But Paul and Julian are determined to stay together, and more than once they tell each other that the idea of life without the other would be unbearable.

“[H]e wasn’t afraid anymore. After a lifetime of yearning and trying not to yearn, he imagined the relief of surrendering.”

Even if we suspect that Paul and Julian’s intoxicating liaison will have internecine consequences, we are desperate for a moment of reprieve. But Nemerever’s narrative does not let up, not once. Readers will read with increasing anxiety as Paul and Julian embark on an ‘irreversible’ path, alienating those around them. Dread and anguish became my constant companions while I was reading this novel and I’m glad that I choose to read this when I was off work (I devoured this novel in less than 24h) since These Violent Delights is a riveting edge-of-your-seat kind of read.
A sense of unease pervades this story as even the early stages of Paul and Julian’s relationship are fraught. Julian is almost secretive when it comes to his family, and disapproves of the contempt Paul harbours towards his own mother. Their love for each other often veers into dislike, if not hatred, and they are quite capable of being extremely cruel to each other. Even so, we can see why they have become so entangled together, and why they oppose anyone who threatens to separate them. But as they enable one other, their teenage angst morphs into a more perturbing sort of behaviour. Time and again we are left wondering who, if anyone, is in control.

“All they were—all they had ever been—was a pair of sunflowers who each believed the other was the sun.”

My summary of this novel won’t do it justice as I fear I’m making it sound like any other ‘dark’ tale of obsessive friendships (in this case a romantic one but still). It is Nemerever’s writing that elevates his story from ‘interesting’ to exhilarating (and downright distressing). He evokes the claustrophobic and oppressive nature of Paul and Julian’s bond, making us feel as if we too are caught in their all-consuming relationship. Nemerever also acutely renders Paul’s discomforts, the intensity of his love for Julian, his self-loathing, and of his conflicting desires (to be known, to be unknowable). He wants his family to understand him, but in those instances when they prove that they may understand him more than he thinks, he does not hear them out.

“All I want to do is make you happy, and you’re the unhappiest person I’ve ever met.”

Similarly to The Secret History, the narrative is very much examining the way we can fail to truly see the people closest to us. Paul’s low self-esteem makes him constantly doubt everyone around, Julian included. He perceives slights where there are none and even seems to find a sort of twisted pleasure (or as Lacan would have it, jouissance) in second-guessing Julian’s feelings towards him or in assuming the worst of others. He projects a preconceived image of Julian onto him (someone who is cruel and deceitful, someone who, unlike Paul himself, can easily adapt or pretend to be normal), and this prevents him from seeing him as he truly is.
The love Paul feels for Julian is almost fanatical, doomed to be destructive. This is the type of relationship that would not be out of place in the work of Magda Szabó (The Door), Joyce Carol Oates (Solstice) or a Barbara Vine novel (The House of Stairs, No Night is Too Long, A Fatal Inversion) or as the subject of a song by Placebo (I’m thinking of ‘Without You I’m Nothing’).

“They were wild and delirious and invincible, and it was strange that no one else could see it.”

Nemerever’s writing style is exquisite and mature. I was struck by the confidence of his prose (it does not read like a debut novel). Not one word is wasted, every sentence demands your attention (which is difficult when the story has you flipping pages like no tomorrow). Nemerever brings to life every scene and character he writes of, capturing, for example, with painful precision the crushing disquiet Paul feels (24/7), his loneliness (exacerbated by his queerness and intelligence) and his deep-seated insecurity. Nemerever doesn’t always explicitly states what Paul is feeling, or thinking, and the ambiguity this creates reminded me very much of Shirley Jackson, in particular of Hangsaman (a scene towards the end was particularly reminiscent of that novel). Readers will have to fill the gaps or try to read the subtext of certain scenes or exchanges between P and J.

Not only did this book leave me with a huge book hangover but it also left me emotionally exhausted (when I tried picking up other books my mind kept going back to Paul and Julian). Paul is one of the most miserable characters I’ve ever read of. And while he is no angel, I found myself, alongside his family, wanting to help him. But I could also understand him as he strongly reminded me of my own teenage experiences, and of how ‘wretched’ and angsty and alone I felt (woe is me), as well as the fierce, and at times destructive, friendships I formed during those vulnerable years.
In spite of what Paul and Julian do, I cared deeply for them. I wanted to 'shake' them, but I also desperately wanted them to be happy.
I’m sure I could blather on some more, but I will try and stop myself here. Reading These Violent Delights is akin to watching a slow-motion video of a car accident or some other disaster. You know what will happen but you cannot tear your eyes away. Read this at your own peril!

re-read: yes, I am indeed a masoch*st. I knew that reading this again would hurt but even so, I am once again left devastated by this. The act of reading this book is not dissimilar to riding some diabolical, guts-twisting, puke-inducing rollercoaster where you are anticipating/dreading/exhilarated by the prospect of the encroaching and inevitable drop.
Paul and Julian are very damaged individuals and seeing how they hurt themselves, each other, and the people around them, well it was incredibly upsetting (even more so knowing that their behaviour will just get worse over the course of the narrative). Their relationship is simultaneously impenetrable to us and rendered in painful clarity. Time and again we are left wondering who needs who, who wants who, and the differences between these two desires. Rereading this also allowed me to pay attention to Nemerever's skilful use of foreshadowing.
Anyway in the interim years since first reading this I have come across books/other media that has similar vibes. Nemerever's ability to capture with unsparing and clear-cut precision Paul's discomfort, self-hatred, and alienation brought to mind Brandon Taylor's Real Life and Filthy Animals. The ambiguous nature of his characters and his razor-sharp examination of privilege reminded me of Susie Yang's psychological thriller, White Ivy. The codependent relationship between Paul and Julian instead reminded me of manga like Let Dai, Volume 01 (the angst in that series is wow) or j-dramas like Utsukushii Kare, or books such If We Were Villains, Summer Sons, Belladonna, or Apartment.
Will I ever be brave or foolish enough to read this novel a third time?
(spoilers: she was an idiot so...)

ah how i love reading about terrible people and their obsessions with each other

[laughs nervously] what the f*ck

What the everloving f*ck was that??? I loved it

If this was 150 pages shorter I’d give it five stars but alas the middle dragged

[Read 2; June 2021]
Help I'm already rereading it. Look Paul and Julian live in my head rent free. I think about it all the time and there was just no saving me!!!! It hits so hard every time; such a study in complex, raw grief and the dark side of mental illness. It’s two boys trying to fill the concave emptiness in their chests — and destroying each other in the process. It just HURTS; and the writing is exquisite. I've never read a book that captures the desolation of deep, consuming sadness so well.

“I love you,” he said, and once he’d spoken, the words took hold of his tongue like a prayer. Julian pulled him nearer, but he didn’t dare open his eyes.

He’d forgotten ever being angry. He felt gentle and endlessly patient; if Julian had asked, he would have happily cut his chest open and handed over his heart, his lungs, every part of himself piece by piece.

[Read 1; January 2021]
This book is an excruciating delight. That's honestly the best description I can come up with after having finished it weeks ago and still not having the words for a review. It's a slowly, intoxicating book of violence and mental illness and subtle cruelty and consuming obsessive love. It's a mess, and it's so beautifully written. It's definitely the kind of story to haunt you as well as make you think.

There are literally layers of thoughts and concepts to glean from the pages, but one that caught me and made me mull over it a long time is: prevention. People spiral to their own depravity, often caused by life and trauma. But where is the line? Where do you blame your past influencing your future vs accepting full ownership for your actions? The book poses so many questions like that, so this is just one.

And Paul and Julian were only 17 in this, but it mixed in their privilege as cis white boys with their marginalisations (queer and mentally ill and dealing with trauma) so god, so much to unpack. To think about.

And the prose? The prose is incredible. The absolute phenomenal level of details that just made each scene alive. It made the book slow and thoughtful, but in the best possible way. You aren't just viewing the world like Paul would -- you are so deep in his mind. The way his sensory overload seeps through the pages. I felt that.

Also the way Paul is such an unreliable narrator. I'll sit here and wonder just how messed up Julian was (he was cruel though, don't get me wrong) and how much Paul twisted every single situation to fit his insecure and depressed perspective.

The whole book is like this, clever and twisted, messy and intricate. An absolutely phenomenal read of obsession and the spiralling darkness locked between two boys. The audiobook is also absolutely perfectly done.

1.5, rounded up.

Although this started out well, by the halfway mark I was so disenchanted, I almost DNF'd it. Like many (most?) debut novels, it suffers from being both overwritten and underdeveloped. A good third of its bloated 463 pages could/should have been jettisoned ... and yet there seemed to be several key scenes that cried out for more information; I never did quite get WHY the two protagonists decide to do a thrill kill - they never even really discuss it, it just suddenly seems to be in the offing.

And the gay angle is so oblique, relegated to a few chaste kisses, that it seems almost superfluous - I'm no voyeur, but if anything really could have used some spicy sex scenes to liven things up a bit, this would be it. [Several nasty comments that have been deleted complained that 18-year olds don't have sex - maybe they don't NOW, but they sure as hell did back in the '70's!! I was there!]

My other major objection is that for some inexplicable reason, this is set in 1973 (whereas the Leopold & Loeb case this is obviously modeled after occurred in 1924) - yet has almost NO period details that would make you believe it is actually taking place then ... I guess because the author wasn't alive then and is apparently too lazy to do any research. And there are some major glaring anachronisms, such as the introduction of cultural 'code switching' about 40 years before it even was defined as such. Since there are a modicum of effective scenes, I'll grudgingly give it 2 stars, but won't be interested in reading more from this author in future.

PS: I am still getting the occasional nasty comment from various people clutching their pearls and calling me a major perv for wanting sex scenes between 'underage' boys. But hey, it's not as if they are 11 - hate to tell ya, but the age of consent in MOST countries, including the US is 18 (or even 16). Heck, in Alabama they'd be considered 'late bloomers' by 16! And interesting that they are old enough to KILL people in these numbnu*ts' eyes, but not old enough to express love? Look to your own skewed sense of morality - and don't bother posting - you will just be deleted and blocked.

mom come pick me up i'm scared

Wow, for a debut, this is an exceptionally written book but at the same time I didn't really like it. Let me explain.

1970's Pittsburgh

Paul is a quiet, shy, studious kid and on his first day in college he meets the charming, confident, and alluring Julian. The friendship begins easily enough because they both intellectually stimulate one another. Over time this friendship turns into an obsession for both of them. Both wanting to control the other. Both pushing each others boundaries. Both hurting each other in the name of love. Until one act of violence upends everything they thought to be true.

"He had all but pleaded for it, the precision and scalpel-sharp intimacy of Julian's cruelty. He had needed to remember that they were monstrous together, merciless, twins conjoined at the teeth."

I mentioned that this is meticulously written but my goodness is it dense. This is no easy, breezy reading experience. I am not an academic by any means so I found some of their banter quite tedious. And the misery. So much misery. Both of these young men are so wretchedly unhappy and that feeling really seeps into the reader. A sign of good writing, oh yes, but an enjoyable reading experience, not so much. This book made me so depressed. I couldn't get a grasp on their relationship at all. They were both so wicked to one another that I kept wondering why they were attracted to each other in the first place. I kept faltering between caring about them and being horrified by them. And the ending, having read it twice now, and I'm a little confused on what exactly happened. This wasn't a perfect fit for me but mark my words this book is going to earn many accolades and they will be well deserved. 3 stars!

Thank you to Edelweiss and Harper for providing me with a digital ARC in exchange for my honest review.

having a completely normal reaction to this book. *throws up*

have a playlist while i gather my thoughts

for the mobile users, top songs include:
killer // phoebe bridgers
you keep me crawling // aurora
spiracle // flower face
darkness at the heart of my love // ghost
night shift // lucy dacus
rtc.

This book really was a fever-dream of obsession and spiralling mentality.

Initially starting this book, it hit a lot of themes you would expect from a story dubbed as "dark academia". The prologue throws you right into some shady business, and so you head into this book knowing that somehow, somewhere, this plot will escalate dramatically. Adding on the immediate display of intelligence via ethical debates in college, the appreciation for art, and the macabre interests of both characters, the dark academia vibes are strong.

As mentioned in the synopsis, this all starts with a relationship between two guys and their increasing obsession with each other. Note that this isn't a good kind of obsession - far from it. This is the intoxicating, delirious kind, that ultimately leads to a huge amount of tension between mentalities. Neither of our main characters can be trusted, their personalities being built through unreliable views and ever-changing narratives. Reading through Paul's perspective, it's never quite clear what the truth of the matter is, every situation being tinted by his pure self-loathing. You wouldn't think an emotion - or a belief - like that would affect a story so considerably, but ohhhh how this book proves otherwise.

It really is a wild ride of a read. It's possible that for some readers, it would be increasingly frustrating with its constant switch in narrative, the never quite knowing if everything is truth or lie. But I couldn't help getting caught up in it, this big overwhelming story feeling close-knit and private for everyone involved. Everything else merged into the background - the monotony of college life, the persistence of family members. All became irrelevant as the focus zoned in on Paul and Julian, reflecting their relationship perfectly. (Please note, this is not a healthy relationship by any means and this book is accompanied by a few content warnings - see end of review).

This entire book feels like a huge manipulation game. Between the characters, how they play the narrative, how it makes you believe certain things right until the last moment - it was fascinating to read. Micah Nemerever does a brilliant job of reflecting the obsessive mindset consuming his characters, pulling you in just as far. Not so much a thriller as a slow spiralling of mental state, this is one which slowly pulls you in and refuses to let go.

CW: abuse, self-harm, suicide, hom*ophobia

no context review:

come through hom*oerotic academic thrillers;
"you wanted crazy? well, you got it now!" BROWN, Tammie;
sober II (melodrama) by Lorde.

Actual rating: 3.5 (rounded down)

This book—this BOOK!
I’m trying so very hard to parse my emotions into something organized; into something that makes sense, but...

Let me just say: for a debut, this is a soaring achievement. The prose is beautiful and far beyond anything I’ve read since Donna Tartt’s incomparable

However, as clever and well-written as it is, a lot of it went right over my head. Much of the syntax is—in my personal opinion—unnecessarily obtuse and vague. Many a time I could not grasp what the hell these characters were trying to say; the meaning behind their words and actions. Nemerever made it difficult for me to decipher the emotions and feelings (if not expressly pointed out to me). So, much of the time I was like, “Is Paul really thinking this?” “Does Julian actually mean that?” “WHAT IS GOING ON?!?” But it was too often too subtle to be a major issue. 200 pages in, and I was altogether confounded by what Paul and Julian’s “relationship” really was. All I kept thinking was, “Do they even LIKE each other?” All they do is hurt one another—always miserable and full of disdain. I couldn’t figure it out. Their toxic codependency was draining. Maybe I’m too dense to understand it (which makes me feel terribly dumb), but... yeah. That lack of clarity in my mind really detached me from the story.

As far as the two main characters go, I found them pretty damn insufferable. I don’t mind unlikable characters, or even characters I don’t connect with, but these two really bogged down the story with page after page after page of emotional and physical destruction. Julian and Paul, too, were experts—it would seem—at reading body language and expressions. Every moment was, “His face said this” “The way he holds his cigarette means this” “You could tell he was hurting inside by how his pores opened and closed” (okay, that last one is obviously not literal)—but honestly, they read everyone’s looks and glances and the way they held themselves... it was too much telling in deciphering every goddamn little thing. I found it way too unbelievable that they could comprehend so thoroughly the subtleties of everyone around them by just an expression or movement.

I wish their relationship contained any semblance of love or truth or romance. There was no warmth here that I could ascertain. Instead, it came off as horribly destructive, emotionally abusive, and exceedingly depressing.

ALSO, I really think this would’ve benefited from a first-person narration rather than third person. Just my own opinion on that.

After all of that, I can’t bring myself to give this a lower rating. I don’t know why, but even through all the misery and hate—and unlikeable characters— I found this book (at times) mesmerizing to behold. There is very rarely seen a queer dark academia novel, and I’m thankful to the author for giving us this gem (if only it’d been just a hair less dreary). There needs to be more LGBTQIA+ lit that checks these boxes.

In the end, well, all that’s left is to talk about the ending. And while personally disappointing and uncomfortably vague (and left me feeling miserable), I also found myself impressed, because it made me think and go back to read earlier passages. I’m still thinking about it hours and hours later. Micah Nemerever is certainly a talent to watch.

“The Secret History meets Call Me By Your Name”...

Bitch, you had me at “The”!

4.5

Can’t believe I let this book ruin my life a second time. Review to come.

First read: I feel like I need to reread this to be able to write a review. Might use that as an excuse to reread it rn bc this sh*t was amazing 😭😭

As a reader, the problem with finding that Perfect Book™ is that, talking about why we love it so much makes us feel vulnerable and exposed to everyone around us. I want to tell y'all about all the minor details in this book that made me go absolutely feral, why exactly I had that sort of visceral reaction in the first place — BUT — that feels like too much vulnerable feelings and truth to reveal to strangers on the internet.

UNFORTUNATELY(?!), I also NEED people to pick this book up! Which is hard when I can't even explain WHY I think you need to pick it up! That's the dilemma I have been in ever since I read These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever last year, and I'm finally gonna try to convince you all to read it.

Now, if you're asking “hey Sai, isn't this book about 2 guys who murder people, why do you keep saying you find it relatable?”
and my response to that question is: it is NONE of your business and I refuse to answer anything further without my lawyer present. thanks very much.

BUT SERIOUSLY, there's just something so visceral and vulnerable about the book and the way it's written. I am just OBSESSED with each and every character. Paul and Julian are like, the only people in the world who understand each other SO WELL, and they hate the rest of the world together. They mutually find others to be bores and find solace and a sense of belonging only with each other.

BUT THEY'RE ALSO *SO* NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER. Both of them think the other person doesn't love them back and end up being toxic to each other. When they're not cocooned next to each other in peace, they're flinging barbed insults at each other trying to pick at the chinks in each other's armor. It's this dynamic of self-hate, co-dependency, the desire to murder the whole world for this one person (even if it kills you) but also the urge to murder the other person cause they're driving you insane. It is just perfectly balanced and beautifully done, I still vividly remember it despite having read it TWELVE MONTHS AGO!

And we haven't even spoken about the GORGEOUS WRITING in this book! It is so poetic, and reading it made me feel like I'm being slightly suffocated by this undertow of violence and tension. The pacing and intrigue is perfectly done, I never felt like I was reading a 500-page whopper - in fact, i wish it had been longer JUST SO I can experience more of Micah's beautiful writing. I cannot believe this is someone's DEBUT book, cause like, wow. it's PERFECTION!

There are more things about the book that I want to talk about, like the chess analogies, the excellent messy queer people rep, the ending (GOD, THE ENDING!!!) - honestly, i want to do a comprehensive character study of both Paul and Julian's psyche and answer why they are the way they are. But that's for every reader to interpret on their own.

I love that These Violent Delights features messy queer protagonists. I've come to realize that I only ever want to read about messy queer folks doing messy, morally grey/morally reprehensible things. The publishing industry really needs to get on this train and give us more books like this. And until then, I will be SCREAMING about this delicious, scrumptious, dark and amazingly written book to anyone who would listen. This book is definitely 100% THAT bitch, and you really should not miss out on it. 6/5 stars!

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Pre-Review:
I think i've put off writing this review long enough, this is one SCRUMPTIOUS novel and I need y'all to pick it up as soon as it releases. I will NOT take no for an answer.
REVIEW TO COME

[4.75]

honestly sometimes you just need to fall in love with your best friend and slowly descend into madness all the way to committing murder together, and that’s okay!

These Violent Delights is a book that in so many words says so little.

Paul is a young prodigy and son of a former police officer, now dead as a result of suicide. In college at the age of 16, he meets Julian, an heir and Nietzsche fan, and they immediately fall in with one another. This friendship becomes romantic and it leads them down a dark path in which murder becomes the name of the game. As Paul strives to figure out if Julian truly loves him, and Julian acts out to guide Paul to his love, they find themselves in quandary and with no clear path out but to fall into each other.

Micah Nemerever writes a compelling story in These Violent Delights, but this story is hidden in an extremely overwritten book. The detail the writing encompasses is overbearing and makes the story seem slow and unmoving when in fact so much is happening. The constant detail, scene building, and character describing creates a book that is so bogged down in its own language that the characters and their stories get left behind. Paul and Julian are compelling characters, if only they weren't hidden behind so many words.

Sometimes I read a story that haunts me, not necessarily in a negative way. These books draw me in, and I can’t let go. Even when I’m not reading, I still think about them or have this feeling in my chest I can’t describe. These Violent Delights was such a book. It was so incredibly tense and obsessive, and it made me thoughtful and breathless.

Although this story is about two seventeen-year-olds (in the first chapters, Paul is even only sixteen), it’s definitely not an easy read. It’s dark and sad with many philosophical treatises (especially at the beginning) that I didn’t always understand, so I googled a lot. At the same time, nothing really happened. And still, the story got me hooked to the pages.

To be honest, at times, I forgot that Paul and Julian were only seventeen, they felt older to me. I wanted to know them so badly, to understand why they did what they did. Sometimes they felt distant, and I wanted to shake them up, and at other times I wanted to hold and hug them tight. Julian was the most distant one for me, but the more I read, the more I understood his struggles behind the endless masks he wore. It seemed as Paul had never peace in his mind, but that also applied to Julian, even if it was less visible.

I made a lot of notes while reading, and as I described above, even if I wasn’t reading, the story was with me all the time. And even though I didn’t always understand everything and detested some parts of the story, there was so much going on in my body and mind when I was reading and after I had been reading. It’s a story to never forget; that ending! Holy ...! An incredible debut by a genius author.

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Beautiful things are supposed to hurt.

In this story, we follow Paul and Julian. Two teenagers who talk more like 35-year-olds who peaked in high school and studied philosophy only to find out their lives were meaningless. This book suffers from wrong genre-itis. When it started, it was about Paul's life at his new school where he moved after beating another boy half to death because of his grief. His father recently died by suicide and the book handles that, rather carelessly. At no point do we get the reason why his father decided to take his own life. Ordinarily, people who are suicidal or have suicidal ideation tend to exhibit patterns of behaviour that show that existence is a heavy toll for them. But we never really get to know much about his father except that he was a father, he danced with his wife that night and the next day, locked himself in the shed and put a .38 in his mouth.

At no point do we actually explore the impact of the loss of the patriarch. The most gravitas assigned to it is Paul's sister, Audrey, claiming that he ruined everything. I couldn't even tell you if Paul missed his father. It was more about the family's behaviour and appearance following such a gruesome tragedy, rather than what it meant to them. At first, Paul is disdainful of his mother's grief, even resenting how small she seemed following the tragedy. But then soon after Paul meets Julian. A walking James Dean cosplayer with an inflated sense of self-importance.

One gets the impression that Nemerever read the much superior The Secret History, discovered Henry Winter and thought, I can do that. No, no he couldn't. At least, not successfully. TSH reigned because Tartt shows she doesn't tell. Nemerever is obsessed with handholding.

It was insulting. Furthermore, the book didn't earn the passion it wanted to exert from the reader. After Paul and Julian are a couple, Julian starts behaving reticently, and we get this from... Paul's explanations. Paul explains how this relationship feels almost one-sided. When Julian is rude to him, Paul was almost relieved to feel the sting. It meant Julian saw every weakness in him and still thought he was worth the effort of hurting.

When Julian ignores him, It frightened Paul how readily he yielded to the pain, almost as if he were so used to it that it bored him The book feels like it can be relatable for people who can't help but love the wrong person. The emotionally unavailable man. But Julian isn't emotionally unavailable or reticent. He's not even manipulative. He's just there. He constantly chastises Paul's low self-esteem or unending self-pity. It's aggravating.

Some people call this book "be gay, do crime", and I kept waiting for crime. It was one murder. One. Which is instigated by Julian because Paul gave him the silent treatment after Paul was done getting lashed out at for showing the slightest care. I screamed at the book when this happened.

The only thing that saved this book was its decadent prose. Nemerever has read a few books in his day. He can play with a turn of phrase that left me very pleased. ...petri dish of maladaptive behavior that it is... I mean, look at this, There was something mesmerizing about the way Julian moved—carelessly graceful, as if he weren’t excruciatingly conscious of every atom he displaced.

But that wasn't enough to save this book. Perhaps if it had been a murder mystery, it would have been better. I felt serious tension when the cops got involved. When Paul and Julian were attempting to run away... Such delicious unbridled suspense. But true to form, Nemerever had to sh*t on it for a finale that's the equivalent of a bat to the head. The ending thinks it's cute but it's just stupid. The two male leads were at best bland. The best part of the book was when they could face consequences for their attempt at murder... for something that didn't particularly make sense. So when Julian tells Paul they should kill Paul's classmate who argued with him a few times in class, Paul says it has to be someone who can't be traced back to them. Their chosen victim, Charlie, is a Vietnam vet who enabled or excuses American atrocities in Nam. It's unsatisfying because at no point do we get any idea that these two knobhea*ds give a sh*t about Vietnam. They spend the first half of the book espousing the value of morality in human experimentation, evoking Nazi Germany and other instances of human experimentation. But at no f*cking point do they ever show any remorse or feeling against Nam. Nothing at all. They just choose Charlie because serendipity. And then they kill him because it had to be done. In the finale, there's a very satisfying twist when Paul's mother unravels their lies and realises they killed Charlie. Paul is kept under house arrest by the mother and is only allowed outside under supervision. He still finds a way to slip notes to Julian and together they plot an escape. On the way Paul tries to strangle Julian to death but eventually lets him go. When Paul and his family later go to check Julian's apartment, he's left a message, circling a picture of a chess move, saying that that was Paul's first move. Basically a sh*tty "the game is on". It was so frustrating because I cared more about them getting their comeuppance but these boys don't face any consequences. An arrest would have been better. Paul being ratted on by his mum would have been better. Paul going to prison for Julian in a last ditch effort to prove love in their inane ways would have been better, a Thelma and Louise driver over a cliff would have been better. But this asinine ending that's supposed to be a payoff to Julian's obsession with chess annoyed me so much. I haven't been this angry at a book since I tried to read The Maid.

The book does have some self-awareness, unintended as it may be, It was pretentious and stilted, striving for something it would never reach. You're damn right you ain't reached sh*t.

Reading this book reminded me why Dark Academia is the best genre. This was thrilling, addicting and horrifying.

It also had two of the most unlikable characters as the protagonists. Which made this even more interesting.

Audio 5 +++ Stars
Story....4.25 Stars

This was sooooo messed up and exhausting it took me days to finish. But the writing and execution made it hard for me to dnf.

5/5stars

f*cking loved this

#pridemonthread

This simply wasn’t for me. In the beginning I really liked this book, but the more I read, the more I felt detached from the story and the characters. In theory, it was an interesting story, but while I read it, I just simply could not connect.

I finally gave up a little over 200 pages in. It's well-written, but the two main characters are so intensely unlikeable that I don't care what happens to them. It's just page after page of two miserable, self-loathing teenagers being terrible to each other with occasional bursts of family drama and angsty, disappointing sex. I loved The Secret History and Call Me By Your Name, and I understand the comparison, but this book has none of the qualities I found so captivating in those titles. No steamy romance, no well-paced suspense, just two toxically codependent young men with superiority complexes bonding over murder fantasies. My desire to know how the story ends finally lost out to my desire to stop slogging my way through this book.

THE LAST SENTENCE. I'm not screaming, you are.

I've been procrastinating on this review for months. Because I have no idea how to put my thoughts into words that 1) make sense and 2) can do this book justice. Sometimes I come across a book that leaves me speechless with how well written it is. This book is part of that small pond of books, but at the same time it's kind of out of this world compared to the others. And there's no way anyone can understand what it makes you feel without reading it.

This book is an excellent character study. It is slow to get there, but eventually Paul's psyche is laid out for you to dissect. At the end of the book you completely understand all his choices as you know him so well, in and out. In fact, when I got to that final chapter, I knew exactly what he was going to do pages before he actually decided to go for it.
At the forefront of this book there's also the toxic friendship/relationship between Paul and Julian. In the first half I was mesmerized by their chemistry and codependency, how they kept pushing and pulling as if they had no choice but to stay together. The second half had me horrified at where that codependency ended up. I'm so surprised to see this is a debut novel, because these two topics in particular are so well done and realistic they gave me goosebumps every single page. Such mastery of words comes only if you’re very experienced or if you have an exceptional innate talent.

Although I struggled a bit to get through this book, I think it was necessary for it to be this slow-paced. This is a book where every little detail counts. Both Paul's monologues and the dialogue between him and Julian had me hyperconcentrated because yes, this book has beautiful writing, but also because they were so in sync at times I felt like I skipped a whole page of them talking without me. The more you read the more it's like these characters have their own inside jokes and you're intruding as the third wheel.

This novel is about Paul trying to fill a void he doesn't understand, with whatever he thinks is going to heighten his emotions or give him an adrenaline rush, without knowing that next time he will need something bigger, and worse. And it's about Julian falling in the trap, thinking they both need each other to keep the darkness at bay.
Honestly, I've never read anything quite like this. It’s so pretentious and sad, I loved it.

why is it that whenever 'escalating obsession' is mentioned anywhere, I perk up like I'm being offered an extreme amount of money

but also: M/M DARK ACADEMIA!! I think a fascinating aspect of more modern dark academia is how the latent content of older dark academia novels (i.e. The Secret History)is being analysed and brought to the forefront - in this instance, the latent hom*oerotic content that underlies many many DA novels.

2.5 stars

I keep thinking books about obsessive, romantic friendships gone wrong are my thing, but then I actually read them and feel like the GIF of that lady squinting at all the math equations.

Part of the issue is that I need the author to really sell me the intense connection. I need them to not only convince me these characters want to crawl inside each other's skin but also give me the reason why they want to, why they have chosen each other. So often though, I am left unconvinced of the bond. I did not feel like Paul and Julian's relationship felt natural or well-developed, and I was a bit confused about their attraction to one another.

Beyond that, in books with pretentious, young characters who feel that they alone bear the burden of truly understanding life, I usually want there to be some sort of outside voice that exposes how silly and dangerous that is. While I don't think this book is saying Paul and Julian are so right and so smart, the reader exists only inside Paul's exhausting mind where he does think that he and Julian are so right and so smart, and to me that is just so tedious. Reading 450 pages of smug pretentiousness that is rarely checked or called out for being delusional is irritating.

There are a lot of moments where the characters understood something (or thought they understood something) that I didn't. I always felt a disconnect with the story because the way Paul's feelings and thoughts are communicated feels both vague and overly complicated. I never fully understood how he felt and why he felt that way. His emotions were always hidden behind the novel's wordiness, so I never felt like I could crack him. The characters' thoughts and feelings are trapped behind behind a veil of pretentiousness, and I wished that we had gotten to see behind that veil. Paul's violence and anger feel unexplored, and I'm a bit confused whether he is supposed to read as sympathetic in any way. The author's note makes me think maybe he is, but the actual story makes me feel otherwise. Paul doesn't read like a lonely and misunderstood character pushed to the brink to me. He reads like a terrible person who needs serious help, and I'm not sure if that's what Nemerever was aiming for.

There's an interesting and well-written story in here somewhere. I just feel that These Violent Delights is so bogged down with wordiness and overwrought descriptions that add little to the novel as a whole. Then, after all that wordiness, the book ends rather abruptly with a lot of things still left unexplored, which left me feeling confused as to what I was supposed to take from it. Sure, Paul and Julian are f*cked up and do f*cked up things to one another, but why am I supposed to care? What am I supposed to have learned?